Let’s Offend Someone…!!! - Page 5

cod head · 12-18-2009, 02:05 AM

Jordan goes on Pimp My Ride and Westwood asks her what she would like doing to the car...

"Something to make Baby Harvey, my disabled son, more comfortable..."

"No problem, what flavour windows would Harvey like?"

Lambchop · 12-18-2009, 02:07 AM

lol .

cod head · 12-18-2009, 02:07 AM

When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too. But then I grew up, and stopped going to church.

cod head · 01-17-2010, 12:17 PM

I'm amazing at sex. I was fucking a girl in Haiti, and she said 'it was like the ground moved'.

I'm only joking. She didn't say anything. She was dead.

oi-you · 01-27-2010, 04:56 AM

My girlfriend is a dirty little minx, when I cum in her mouth she likes to gargle it, blow bubbles with it and then let it dribble out of her mouth and down over her chin and onto her tits. She may be completely paralysed, but she sure knows how to enjoy herself.

steve down under · 01-27-2010, 05:48 AM

I found out last night my Granny made a porno in the seventies,dunno what disgusted me more finding out that she made it or the fact that i carried on wanking after i recognised her !!!

oi-you · 01-27-2010, 11:26 AM

Bhwaaa, brilliant.

steve down under · 02-01-2010, 05:53 AM

Two Aboriginal fellas wander into an outback town looking for some grog ! as they pass the Police station one spots a poster which states WHITE MAN WANTED FOR RAPE ! he looks at his mate and says" hey Clyde what i tell ya all dem white cunts get the best jobs !!!! "

The Joester · 02-02-2010, 03:45 AM

Why do women get married in white?
So the dishwasher can match the stove and the refrigrator.

The Joester · 02-02-2010, 03:48 AM

I think some rockstar said this originally: "Instead of getting married, I'll just find a women I don't like and buy her a house"

oi-you · 02-03-2010, 03:04 PM

A bloke starts work in a maternity hospital. The nurse tells him to bath a newborn aboriginal baby. She goes to check on him and he is swishing the baby the baby around the bath with a stick. "You don't bath a baby like that" she said.
He said " You do when the water's this fucking hot"

deanwell · 02-04-2010, 05:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Joester

I think some rockstar said this originally: "Instead of getting married, I'll just find a women I don't like and buy her a house"

According to Wikipedia:

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
Louis Grizzard - Quoted in Readers Digest

I have seen this attributed to others but it's such a good line that, after two marriages I think I'll take credit for it. Fuck you Louis Grizzard!

steve down under · 02-04-2010, 10:06 AM

The makers of Clearasil have just announced a new product called Haiti Earthquake they say its guaranteed to get rid of hundreds of blackheads instantly !!!!!!!

farbeyonddriven · 02-04-2010, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deanwell

According to Wikipedia:

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
Louis Grizzard - Quoted in Readers Digest

I have seen this attributed to others but it's such a good line that, after two marriages I think I'll take credit for it. Fuck you Louis Grizzard!

GetRaz · 02-06-2010, 02:53 AM

Funny Stuff!

12-18-2009, 02:05 AM	#61
cod head Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Nightmare on Neptune St. Posts: 1,047	Jordan goes on Pimp My Ride and Westwood asks her what she would like doing to the car... "Something to make Baby Harvey, my disabled son, more comfortable..." "No problem, what flavour windows would Harvey like?" __________________ - my product is 50 times stronger than cocaine -

12-18-2009, 02:07 AM	#62
Lambchop Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: London Posts: 4,777	lol . __________________ ^ Teh legend shall return one day!

12-18-2009, 02:07 AM	#63
cod head Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Nightmare on Neptune St. Posts: 1,047	When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too. But then I grew up, and stopped going to church. __________________ - my product is 50 times stronger than cocaine -

01-17-2010, 12:17 PM	#64
cod head Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Nightmare on Neptune St. Posts: 1,047	I'm amazing at sex. I was fucking a girl in Haiti, and she said 'it was like the ground moved'. I'm only joking. She didn't say anything. She was dead. __________________ - my product is 50 times stronger than cocaine -

01-27-2010, 04:56 AM	#65
oi-you Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 1,828	My girlfriend is a dirty little minx, when I cum in her mouth she likes to gargle it, blow bubbles with it and then let it dribble out of her mouth and down over her chin and onto her tits. She may be completely paralysed, but she sure knows how to enjoy herself. __________________ "I'm not the sort of person to engage in cleverly sarcastic comments and smart one-liners, and even if I were I wouldn't waste one on you".

01-27-2010, 05:48 AM	#66
steve down under Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 213	I found out last night my Granny made a porno in the seventies,dunno what disgusted me more finding out that she made it or the fact that i carried on wanking after i recognised her !!!

01-27-2010, 11:26 AM	#67
oi-you Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 1,828	Bhwaaa, brilliant. __________________ "I'm not the sort of person to engage in cleverly sarcastic comments and smart one-liners, and even if I were I wouldn't waste one on you".

02-01-2010, 05:53 AM	#68
steve down under Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 213	Two Aboriginal fellas wander into an outback town looking for some grog ! as they pass the Police station one spots a poster which states WHITE MAN WANTED FOR RAPE ! he looks at his mate and says" hey Clyde what i tell ya all dem white cunts get the best jobs !!!! "

02-02-2010, 03:45 AM	#69
The Joester micro waster Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3	Why do women get married in white? So the dishwasher can match the stove and the refrigrator.

02-02-2010, 03:48 AM	#70
The Joester micro waster Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3	I think some rockstar said this originally: "Instead of getting married, I'll just find a women I don't like and buy her a house"

02-03-2010, 03:04 PM	#71
oi-you Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 1,828	A bloke starts work in a maternity hospital. The nurse tells him to bath a newborn aboriginal baby. She goes to check on him and he is swishing the baby the baby around the bath with a stick. "You don't bath a baby like that" she said. He said " You do when the water's this fucking hot" __________________ "I'm not the sort of person to engage in cleverly sarcastic comments and smart one-liners, and even if I were I wouldn't waste one on you".

02-04-2010, 10:06 AM	#73
steve down under Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 213	The makers of Clearasil have just announced a new product called Haiti Earthquake they say its guaranteed to get rid of hundreds of blackheads instantly !!!!!!!

02-06-2010, 02:53 AM	#75
GetRaz Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 562	Funny Stuff!